In our society, we often feel the need to build others up, support one another, be kind to people regardless of their appearance. However, we find that with ourselves, it tends to be a different story. Before hitting puberty, girls and boys are told that feeling confident in the way they look or how they are is directly related to being conceited or cocky. In fact, that is wrong. But due to this being inevitable it has led t0 a generation of young adults feeling to an extent different, or not good enough. For me, loving myself wasn’t just external, it was about being happy as the person I am. Although my acne and weight took a significant toll on how I perceived myself in comparison to the more traditional standards of beauty. These standards of beauty are constantly being presented, meaning it tends to be something that we struggle to comprehend, male or female.
Acne was one of the most horrific things for my confidence and has taken four years to accept, it is something that made me feel different, unattractive and impacted my social life. Perhaps this is you, with acne or something similar, whether it be your weight or overall appearance. Your emotions are completely valid in this sense, as it can be incredibly difficult seeing people with the ‘so-called’ perfect life and perfect body. When, it doesn’t represent the majority and doesn’t represent you.
If you are anything like me, perhaps you have struggled with the pain of not loving yourself and understand how detrimental it can be for your friendships and your mental health. However, loving yourself is a journey and I hope this article sparks some determination in you to start working towards the destination of self-love.
Cutting off Toxicity.
Toxic people can be the starting point for low self-esteem, and it can take along time to even recognise the impact that negative people can have on your self-esteem. If a friend, family member or somebody you follow on social media makes you feel insecure or question yourself in a negative way, are they worth your energy? This is where envy and sadness comes into play, having envy for someone does not spur you on, or inspire you to be better, rather it consumes a huge amount of energy which you could in turn use to focus on bettering yourself. Feeling sad often comes hand in hand with toxic people, they may make you personally feel unworthy to be associated with them, or make you feel less worthy through subtle behaviour. This is a red flag, toxicity isn’t just around throughout high school, it will continue to prevail into the far future, as we will always come across nasty people. The way to deal with that, is to not associate with people that push you down, to pull themselves up. Having friends and family that question you and challenge your opinions can be great, as it can help to develop your character. However, if these challenges are brought to the surface frequently and seem to be hypercritical and non-constructive, perhaps it isn’t for the good to be associated with that person or those people.
Minimising your time spent on social media will also help to reduce your exposure to things that may cause you to be hypercritical of yourself and your lifestyle. On average we spent at least 2 hours on social media a day, this amount of time can be spent elsewhere to that boost your serotonin production rather than just trigger the dopamine receptors, which social media does.
Change your mindset
We often tend to be very critical of ourselves and expect the impossible. Even simple things like feeling down cause we are not toned to perfection or we are dealing with bad skin. It is important to put emphasis on the little successes that we achieve to keep the balance. For the longest time I was negative when it came to everything, rather than being hopeful for the future, I saw it as a chore instead. This mentality is exhausting to live with and overtime can develop into a bad habit which is hard to break.
Rather thinking that “My acne makes me feel unattractive” perhaps look at it from a different perspective such as “My acne is bad; however, it might inspire someone else to accept their skin.”
We must not overanalyse everything we do, as over time that can lead to us losing motivation in the things we love. Of course, self-criticism is vital in improving, but it can be done in a way which is accepting of your current circumstances. Appreciating how well you did in an exam, or how productive you were in a day. Be happy with the people you surround yourself with and be grateful about the opportunities that will come your way. It will be difficult to shift that automatic thinking in a different direction, put by putting things into perspective and being grateful for the smallest things enables you to deal with the more difficult situations with ease, and moreover makes you a more empathetic person.
Comparison is Catastrophic
This is quite self-explanatory, but yes comparing yourself to others is very damaging. Don’t compare income, skills, love life’s, accomplishments and your life in general to your family, siblings, friends or even strangers on the internet. It is a downward spiral and it is important to know that when you feel as though you aren’t accomplishing much, someone else is comparing themselves to you.
I always say that life isn’t a race, it’s a journey. Everybody finds their own pace and goes down different routes. Just because the way you get to the end goal is different, doesn’t mean you won’t end up there. By comparing yourself to others without knowing the full extent of their situation can cause a sense of loss and lack of security within yourself. That is normal, of course comparing yourself to anyone will make you feel inferior or lacking in some department.
We also must accept that life isn’t always fair, naturally, some people will be born into success and privilege, but does that mean I should feel rubbish about myself because I am not Kim Kardashian’s child? No, not at all. I may never wear a Gucci tutu, but I’ve been incredibly lucky to have been blessed with a wonderful family and a great education. Try not to compare yourself to those born with certain advantages, like wealthy parents, or a fast metabolism or the best social connections possible. It is perfectly okay to take things at your own pace and do it your own way.
Try not to gauge your success through others, as everybody’s perception of success is different, and everyone that is perceived to be perfect, are just an illusion of our own insecurities. Comparison can quickly turn friends into rivals, which in the long run is not effective. Finding other ways to measure personal success is important, try not to base it on wealth or popularity, rather make a list true to yourself of what you feel capable of and then some. By achieving those goals, you are being your best self without the concern of others, which in this sense is insignificant.
Lastly, know your worth
I understand how difficult it can be when trying to value your self-worth, especially when you are struggling with a feeling of importance or individuality. However, each one of us are rare, different and special. If you think you are insignificant, ask anyone who loves you what they think. Each individual aspect of you as a person is what makes you, you. From your skin, to your upbringing, right down to how you style your hair. Accept the fact that your worth is not dependant on the likes you get on an Instagram, or how others perceive you.
Self-love should come purely from you; it is hard for the best of people and it’s not something that takes a few days to distinguish. I could sit here and discuss the mental benefits that a bubble bath will give you or how a facemask and candles will solve your problems, however, self-care isn’t just little actions to make you feel better, it is a lifelong movement that will encourage growth and acceptance of yourself and others. Little steps everyday (even if that is a facemask) will prove to be monumental over time.
Take care of yourself, invest in yourself and fall in love with yourself.
